When the tears fell

When the tears fell… when my pain was great. You were my friend. You could not touch me nor wipe my tears. But you did give me love. Your voice soothed my chaotic mind. It was me how hurt you… for I was the fool. I cared to much for my pain… I forgot, I was afraid. For this pain that almost ceased our chance was from the neglect and fear of my own heart. I could not bare to admit I loved you I was afraid to love… for I never did. I could not think it true so I hid… I buried my love for you in someone else… my Pegasus. I denied my own heart because of fear… fear to admit I loved, fear for what you would say. I am not… I could never deserve you nor could most… and I never could love you as much as you deserve nor could anyone. Even in infinity their is not enough time to say I love you enough. For you are a rose… and I am but a weed… upon this stream we do feed from… and upon the same path we have crossed and meet. Though I can not see your face nor hold your hand in mine and press my lips upon your soft hand. I do love you. I was a fool for not admitting that. I have looked back upon my past and seen how blank and dark it was… for their was no light in it… the light in your eyes. I gave myself to my ex… but when I gave my gift… it was your name I did call. As she and I both know… I could no longer hide the fact I did love you… it was that love that pushed her away. For it made it possible for me to let her leave… I am not saying I could have kept her… for she is her own person as are you. But I did not try for her back. You were with someone else… and I could not bare it. As a jealous fool I ran… I kept running… I could not admit I loved you for I knew I could not have you. In all my heart I know you do love me… but I do have the negative thoughts of the damned. And I shall always think the worst… but I am nothing not even a man anymore… I took that from myself when I was drunk and with someone I did not even love. Their is no excuse for what I did… it was of my own choice. You ask me to forget it but I can never forget I hurt you. I do love you… and I don’t see how I have shown that when all I do is hurt you. I have never lied to you… that is the only thing… I am alone for one reason only now… because I can not touch you. I can not put another close when my heart belongs to you. I wake with the thought of you and I cry myself to sleep with the thought of I can not touch you. Never will I be worth you… never could I. When I hear anothers name my mind turns… for it knows of my hearts pain of not having you. When I think of another touching you my stomach is ripped inside out… tears have fell many times over what I have done. You ask me to forget the past when its as if I am still living it… I still do not have you. In a month I will have a chance but… I.. its ripping me apart. I can not touch you. I still can not believe I love anyone but I truly do know I love you more than anyone else I ever have and greater then I can imagine. All I do is think of you. snaps I love you. I am sorry… I know it may seem that I do not for all I have done to you and it still rips me apart. I have waited as I said I would and I shall… after I made that dark mistake… and I spent the next day in pure tears till I could not find anymore to give… I knew then I truly did love you. I know I can never treat you as good as you deserve… but I do love you. Their was only one wish I have ever made for myself and that was a chance with you… I have made that wish every night since you left me. and I still do every night after. As I will tomorrow night and as I did on yesternight. I love you… I’m sorry for all that I have done to hurt you. And I am sorry I am so negative… I am just afraid. snaps you are an angel and angels do not exist… I am waiting for me to wake up one day and find that you never existed… my life was so dark before you and you are the light that I see… you are the only one that has ever shown any love to me… snaps I love you so much… God I want you so bad… I want to hold you and touch you just to know you are real. I’m sorry but I can not write anymore it hurts to much to remember what I have done and that I have hurt you… all I want is for you to be happy and smile and I just hope it will be because of me… I love you so much.