The same question

The same question… the same answer still not present. Many ask… and I have not answered. They say why do I fear love and being loved. A mother is suppose to love her son. Many years I have matured under the same endowment is love. Her love. The love of others. I have had two lovers… both have given me a lie… a lie a gift of falseness. Trickery and deceit. Leaving my mind in confusion. My heart ripped and torn. Every time I get close I am crushed. Still they ask why I fear love. Why I hold back why I hold my silver tongue… I am but a serpent a nil and passive serpent. My red tongue seducing others. I pull the knowledge with an impending thought. I become a mirror I show how they are… what they say. I negate compassion in my bitter rain of words. I tell as they do. I sink to the desecration of pain just as they live… I have sunk from lies. Still it seems only I have a heart. No. Only 2 in my life that I know of have never lied to me. I hold one that has higher then most for admitting a lie is but a hard task… forsaking the pain you can endure the tears that fall from the successors eyes… for they have the secession of the lie… the after birth of it. What once was true never will be… for all is a lie in someone’s eyes. Only the true truth is in the keepings of all light. All they we have to gain from lies is pain and scar tissue embedded deep in our heart. With all these lies and all the hurts I have felt how can they still ask. I ask myself why do I still trust anyone… when everyone hurts me. I should have learned when as a child I was dropped… my mother let my frail body plummet to the floor… where I am always pulled to. The embracing ground… after every fall. I still feel the pain, the tears that I wipe from my face for I have no one else to do it for me… my battered body crawling… struggling to get back to my feet. From their I walk on. My head my never be held high. But I do not hide who I am. I do not deceive others. I do hold back saying things I should say but that is emotions and thoughts I feel… and maybe I am the only one that feels them. Still they ask. I have but a question for your question. A child raised to fear love… for nothing good from it has he endured all is pain and tears. His body battered and bruised from being pushed to the ground. All that he has loved have rained down upon him. If he opens his heart he open the gates to let the dogs feed upon his tattered remains. Upon his tombstone shall be engraved. Love lies and bitter cries. You say love is possible and that child did believe it so. Even after his mother told him she loved him. Though his youth love meant this child was a failure. Taught to fear love. Not by others but by life. This loving mother the one that loves him… through out the years lies have came to sight unseen till the pain is done… then repence for them is erected… now the lies and pain must unwind… betrayed. Is he not to be afraid? Still he held love high. He waited to find love to give himself to the one he loved. And did find someone… soon after they left him just as everyone else has. Neglected by all that say they love him. Is he not to learn love is to be alone? This child’s mother the one that teases his heart and emotions with her death… still in his heart with every passing month another lie falls… for once again she is ill… or that is what come from her lips to him. In good health she sits… for this child can not know. All he has to learn from is others. Actions speak louder then words… if you say you love someone then hurt them… do they not believe love is but pain. Leave someone in darkness then ask them to step in the light… then you spite them for they are afraid or the light for they have never seen it. When they do their pale skin is burn and chapped from the sun… then you wonder why they still fear it when all it does is bring pain… but alas is they take the light in small steps soon they will walk far in it… but love can not be taken in small steps for the heart will not stand… and a broken heart can only crawl. Love is a lie to this child then you ask why does a small lie matter when most of this child’s pain is upheaved from a lie. Then you understand what a lie is to him… so you negate the truth to this child. To this child a friend is but the teller of lies… used he lowers his head. This child was held in high regards by all. And a few idolized him. All the other children wanted to play with him… they deceived him just to get his admiration… but they lost his respect. Left with only himself to trust… is to think the world is bad or is it just him? You ask why he is so negative… when life showers pain you learn preparation is the key to survival. When this child grows up and becomes a man you ask him why he still fears love… If you are raised to fear something do you not fear it? How can this child trust love when it has been hurt from it so many times? Someone tells him they love him then hurt him. How is to trust them? Yes this child does believe in love but no as others have shown him. Love to him is great then they would portray. Many say they love someone then give their body to someone else that is not love. In this chaotic world is he to believe love is possible. Still he does love. The holds the one he love close if he can… his head laid upon their shoulder… his eyes filled with tears of joy… how can he see their hand rising… to bury the knife in his weak back? To predict his heart will be ripped from his chest… his soul rapped… again pushed to the ground. Still you ask. And you have your answer.