Searching for an answer

Searching for an answer, looking to the past for wisdom… remember the pain, and what grow. It was a pillar of light we did share… now I am but a scourge… something only pain will emerge with. The world is spinning… dark and engulfing. I question everything that happened yesterday. I fear the future. I hate now. So close… so far. Looking a cross the ocean, this same ocean I used to ponder tomorrow… swimming in its shallow warm waters. Now I can not see past the shore… nothing blocks my view but I can not look. Now I am a blind fool. But even in this I hurt. Every direction I look… I see little hope. From every window I peer… all sight is negated and blocked. When I go to open the door… it burns my hand… and will not turn… for this door wants to stay closed… but my heart and mind desires to see.