Taking shape.

Taking shape; falling from the pillars. Staggering all life. Bleeding from the wound wound so deep in my heart. Feeling pain… learning. From chaos breeds my sanity. Turn away. For I am indifference. I am the one that has denied my heart so many times. I forsake my love I disclose my own happiness. How many have uttered the words of love to me… the words they so solemnly swear never another shall hear from them. A vow I know that will be broken, a promise they own mind shall not keep. Love is not flesh love is of the heart, the personality the very soul. So many tell of my coldness of heart for I can deny my emotions. I am easy to stir but none have kept me. A foolish piety of lies tells me the Bering of all. For a joke of lust is what first shook my pillars. A sick pleasure I do delight in the pain. What I learn from it, what I can hold back of my own self. This is why I have hide myself so deeply amidst all of the sadness. The hatred that I turned to love, is my eyes. My emotions are my senses. An action expected, a dismissal foreshadowed by fate, the past actions of one give focus to the future… the present but a cloud of wrought confusion as the two clash to form their different phases. A trick brought fourth from myself… born breed in their lies and deceit. All would take me a fool, a toy for their amusement. My strings were cut so long ago. A toy with more control over the master then the master would have over me. So much have hidden. So much have I neglected to show… so much have I teased them with. I place all the truth so close; I wait to see if they can find it. None do. Few have I not done this to for no error, or lie to do they give me that I can see. I am a man. A human this is my restraint. This that keeps me from turning my knowledge to evil properties… again. How much of the world have you seen? How much of your own heart do you know? How much of another do you know? Three questions that make men a dimi-god. Human nature is so easy to manipulate and turn. Again one, that same as the last, spoke of love. As they betray that love they do not even notice how quick their eye turns to another. They admit such a fault to me. So much I could tell them of their own hearts, minds, and very souls. Was I chosen by hate to always endure? I am the one they so vilely tell of love and betray those words, the one a mothers love shall never grant. The one that chooses this pain over happiness. I have so many times and shall again. To keep from hurting one I would stay in torment. How so many can not see me… see what I know. How many truly will forget that I am the one that writes this. I am the one that sees it. I take shape from others that I have seen. I let them see as they would want. Foolish and dumb, ambling through life, I stand hiding my eyes that which would give me away. The chains of emotions that have always pulled me grow weaker. I am breaking free… not of them but of emotions. All dim with each passing day. But an artificial dismissal is what does this… they do not truly disappear they only are blocked. This is reality. I am a mere spectator I can feel nothing. No love or hate, not pain or joy. This is where I am dangerous. With one word I can cut to the bone… though the flesh they find their passion in… lust is not love. The lust I do keep is that of my own blood shed still… that shall never change. However I keep my life flowing. Any chance for death I take is me falling down and I never shall. The words is not one sided. How many dare to look at just their view. Mocked for my pain… cursed and dismayed. How foolish. Many did partake in this advancement of lies, lust. I am but one… and so easily did they not see my pain. The humor I found in this was almost a tormented delight. For what I use to help one did use to better her own self. Telling of how I am a toy… a mere play thing. How foolish was she… I foretold her actions so many times to others. Alas my error was in the timing I was wrong for not expecting the change to come again so sudden. For as a toy she can call me… but in the end my morals did stand, my heart still beats, my love still grows… but the love for is denied. As even I told her. Love is not of the flesh of body it withers with time, the soul is what exists eternally. “If knowledge if power then I am weak but alas I do grow stronger” Life is a lesson and how much have I learned. I give foreplaced errors to all. As they would believe my idiocy I believe in my love. Take me in falseness if you dare, in the end as you snare I shall walk away standing… I can not be took upon a lie. Those that wish for a lie I shall let them believe just that a lie… what they see is as they paint. What is reality is what they see in the end.