Climax and deafening fall.

Climax and deafening fall. All rises and plummets. As do I and you. Life is but a mystery welcome to the void of thoughts and prison of the mind. From all knowledge gained I can not tell of why I am still alive. For I will not fall till God calls or another stronger force takes my life. Not by my hand… shall I not if I can stand shall I kneel. I am no puppet nor will I be again. I am nether the puppet or the sting puller I am but a freak… societies freak. I walk through the halls of illusion… I see past the mist of confusion. I will not kneel to anyone but God and my lover… if ever a true one is found. I shall spite all of humanity… and shall not take my own life. For all the pain fate and others have given me I have I learned. “the greatest love you can give another is laying yourself down for them.” I take the pain of others in my heart. I shun no one but those that damn their selves. I am but a man. I have no gifts nor nothing to give. I am empty. But I will not pass and still I pull the fallen up from the cold damp ground my fragile hand placed upon their shoulder… a kiss giving to the lady’s hand. We are all children no matter our age or maturity we all need love. God made Eve for Adam for Adam was not complete. Society has formed a definition called false contempt. The puppets form from one… appealing to the will of others with a stronger addiction to the undaunting cloud. The blind leading the blind the deaf talking to the dead. Noting but floating bodies… tripping through life questioning why are they the only ones that hurt and have the pain. We all do. For life is not bliss nor as cruel as others make it. Many think love or happiness is impossible but it is not even for me it is not. I have turned my back on it once for I knew she did not love me… but knowing and thinking are different… I tried to drive her away as I have and do many others. She says she loves me but…
How can you match a fear with a desire? I want love… and I truly want it from more then one. But the extent of the love is the scale. For many factors and values apply to love. For a lover is higher then a friend, a soul mate is higher then all spare God and maybe to some a mother. A sister is higher then a friend… a true friend can be all their by tipping the scale. I want love… but I fear it as I do happiness. For it shall one day end nor never truly begin. Wanting something, wishing for it, having a chance… drowned in fear. Hope is lost in drought. For my tears are expended. Many doubts arise. About her love… friendship… compassion… truth… fear. As in everything how do you know you truly want something when you could mistake it for another thing. I know if I have love and bliss I will appreciate it for a time then I will forget my pain and what it is to hurt but that is what makes the bliss. Free from hurt and pain. This is why I chose purgatory over heaven or hell. Nothing is without the other… absent feeling soon lost to the lost thought, the forgotten memory. With all that we face why does it seem I am the only one that sees… maybe I am the one who is blind. Maybe you are…